Monday, July 28, 2003

What a waste of time!

See, this one or two measly readership trickling from Shadi's blog doesn't cut it for me, as a deev I'm used to unnaturaly large proportions, and the 7 foot walking stick needs 7000 devout readership, but what the heck, who am I kidding, this blog sucks, that's why I don't even advertise for it, I got my readers in the Persian one and lost my boner for writing exciting things in English and that's why it sucks! Hell, I even wrote this outa obligation, obligatory post so I my blog doesn't rust and grow those nasty mold u see in corner of ur tub. Ah faq it, it's no use...

Thursday, July 24, 2003

Rule with an Iron Fist - Part 2!

Lately it's been very popular for rap songs to have a "Part 2", I think they're following the footsteps of cheesy Hollywood movies, and with that said, I'm jumping the band wagon. The whole point of the first Iron Fist post was to say that I plan to rule my blog with an Iron Fist so stay the fuck away, but as imagination took over I got carried away and didn't cover that delicate point at all, hence the follow up. I'm sick and tired of reading about people's problems, whinings and bullshit, even more so, I'm sick and tired of reading peoples poetry on their blogs. I think I'm sick and tired of reading in general, as Sir Butt-Head once said it best "if I wanted to read I'd go to school dumbass!". In this blog I plan to just simply attack eveything, like a rhino charging anything in his vicinity, the point is to rebel without a cause against rebeling without a cause, and if you don't like it I hope you choke on it.

Sunday, July 20, 2003

Winning With No Dignity

This story is about billiards, if you don't care for the game or don't know its rules then this is gonna be a lame article for you...

Two nights ago I went out with a friend of mine to a bar where we always go to shoot pool. Since it was a Friday night the place was crawling with people and all the hourly tables were taken so we ended up at the coins-per-game table where people often challange the winner for the next game by stacking their quarters on a corner of the table. I was having a good night that night and won the first game from my buddy who usualy wins against me hence I was the champ to take on the next challanger in line, a drunk and angry guy who could had been either a discharged-marine or a groupie for Metallica or both.

We start the game by me breaking, I break with no sinkers but after his shot, on my second strike, I sink two balls leaving me 5 more left on the table. He makes the next shot sinking something but then he leaves the queue ball in some awkward position behind some of his balls that left me with no shot. I look at the crappy situation and instead of attempting to make a crappy shot to match it I just tap the queue ball moving it couple of inches and passing on the turn back to him. He sinks another ball or two, it's my turn again and I miss, back to him and he sinks more, my turn and once again the son of a bitch had left me no good shot so I tap it again moving the queue by an inch again. At this time I still have 5 balls on the table, he has 3 or 4 and he's thinking he's ahead and he's seems cheerful about it too, he makes a shot and misses, but this time leaving me a nice one. I get on it and sink it, wham, next one, wham, next one wham, the one after, wham, last one wham, by this time the guy's shitting bricks as I have just cleared the table and have a shot at the eight, I grin and gently I tap the queue ball into the side pocket, I scratch on the eight, kinda intentionaly kinda mistakenly, hence technically making him the winner. I'm grinning ear to ear, he looks at me furiously cause I had stripped him of the dignity required to enjoy a win, he says "That sucked man! That just really sucked". He didn't want to play the naxt game as winners would, he decides to go home saying that he's too drunk but I think I kinda hurt his feelings. Oh well!

Friday, July 18, 2003

Blogging is Masturbation!

It's self satisfaction as in "oooh, wow, everybody look at me, look what I write" and for that matter narcistic. It's "I love myself so much that you should too" kinda writing, self centered, self obssessed and masturbatory in its essence. I masturbate every now and then, hence I blog too, 'cept that much like when I first discovered masturbating back in a day, I blog very often now. And for you reader, you only read cause you're a wanker too and know the feeling. Case closed!

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

Rule with an Iron Fist!

Sometimes I think that having iron fists would suck, as a kid you'd prob'ly break a lot of things and get bitch-slapped by your parents and angry shopkeepers a lot, you're never taken to your local Hallmark store for instance and the dish-and-glass-ware section of any department store is outa the question as well. Sentimental things could be particularly of danger to the kid with iron fists, say the urn holding granma's ashes, the 9 year old dried up roses your dad gave your mom the valentine's night he knocked her up with you, or the novelty clear glass toilet bowl invented by your uncle. If you break your wrist, or grow a tumor in your ass, forget about MRIs, you're simply shit outa luck there. It gets even worse, in a cold winter night after comming home at 2 in the morning you just can't warm up your hands in your microwave oven, you have to use that piece of shit conventional oven that takes 15 minutes to warm up.

Always thought hiking during stormy weather was a abd idea? Well it's particularly a bad idea if you have iron fists, you're practically begging for lightening hits. And don't try swimming with iron fists either unless your wearing one of those sissy buoyancy belts, fuck that, I personally rather sink! You endure all this crap as an iron fist kid and you make it to adulthood thinking all is gonna be better now. You kiss swimming goodbye and instead pickup tennis and although you have to restring your racket every week you enjoy the 186 mph serves you dish out at your opponents and the bruises it leaves on their bodies, you're at top of your game and feeling great now. Holding hands during first dates in movies is still sketchy but you discover that you can skip the hand-holding altogether and go straight for the leg. Right O! So when you thought life couldn't get any better those bastards terorist attacks fuck things up majorly for you the first time you get holed up and strip searched in your local airport with the guy saying "yeah yeah, iron fists schmiron fists, last week Pinoche and Pot Pol went through here with no problems". Think about it!

Crap, now I have to write!

Great, now that I got a link from Shadi I know I'm gonna get bothered by all sortsa freaky bastards comming here expecting to see real content and I either have to provide it or be blamed for being the bastard undeserving leach of valuable internet blog traffic! Either way work is required to a)write b)fend off the tough crowd with a 7 feet pole I always carry with me as a walking stick (for those not in the know, Deev the mythical monster of ancient persian mythology is blessed/cursed with unrealistic pissed-and-green-bruce-banner like stature). Well, with all that said, I welcome you to my humble, never mind modesty, BAD ASS place of mental drainage, leave a messege after the beep. beeeeeeeeeep!

Sunday, July 13, 2003

I'M BACK DAMN IT!!

Ok, first off, fucking blogger ate my first post, I pee on it! Secondly, I'm back, and pissed as ever, particularly now, and what's even worse is, during this past year I didn't have no comment's thingy to see who missed me, so eat dirt rate-your-music, I aint waking at 5am just to get a fucking comments crap, I pee on you too! Ahh, that's better, back and agitated as shit, life's great, I feel elated, bite me! =)