Official Pain in da Arse!

It's official folks, I'm finally a thorn in Islamic Republic's censorship bureau's eyes as they took down the my Persian blog at http://deev.persianblog.com

I'd like to send an official "thank you" for this validating acknowledgement as I have been expecting it for a whole year now, about freaking time the lazy bastards got to it, now only if my arms were long enough to punch over seas...

Despite an earlier statement

Kill Bill was not a pile of crap as claimed previously! This post goes out to one of my homies who made me watch volume 2 and to my surprise the movie redeemed itself and wasn't a complete waste of time, however I'm still shook up from the violence in the first volume, why did he have to make it so stressful? In other news, I still punch people, more later...

There goes all your comments...

And that's how we operate around here, with an iron fist!

Well, here's the deal, back in a day when blogspot was lame and didn't even have it's own commenting system I installed my own commenting application that worked very well under unix environment but choked under windows because for some reason the $HTTP_REFERER variable is missing in the windows version of PHP, naturally I'm too lazy to hack it for more than 7 minutes so I said the heck with it and instead decided to just use the new commenting feature on blogspot (and hence the new fancy green look) and that means your words of wisdom are forever gone, I still have a backup of them but you can't look at them and marvel in your own glory, as Nelson (the older bully kid) in Simpsons says "Hah Hah"!

Mystery Solved

So what was the cause of the mystery stink by my desk? two words, STINK PARTICLES!! Here's the deal, I have a 10 year old nephew who visits me once or twice a week. Upon his arrival he always sits on my chair and launches one of my downloaded Futurama episodes while I kick back on the bed and watch it with him. Last time we were watching an episode I noticed homeboy had his feet up on my desk, and being an active kid his feet stinks much like mine did when I was 10, so it turns out that the mystery smell was caused by the residue stink particles of his feet left on the surface of my desk. How about that, eh?
Thank you!

PS: blogspot ate my post, bastard!

What stinks?

something has been smelling real foul and sour by my desk for the past 2 weeks. It smells like dirty socks and I can't figure out what it is because only a random whiff or two hits me every now and then and leaves me searching. At first I thought maybe it's me, I'd smell inside my shirt, socks, armpits, but nada...

You see, couple of years ago I had the same problem and it turned out to be the leather band of a wrist-watch I wore hiking everyday, it was rotting with the help of my sweat and I could only smel it when I had my left hand suporting my chin when I read articles and junk but I'm not wearing a watch anymore...

I remember last time I had the delima for a few weeks too trying to pin-point the darn smell, this time I've smelled everything, the mouse pad, the keyboard wrist pad, even the canvas on the directors chair I sit on, but no luck so far...

Wish me luck and I will inform the inquiring minds when this mystery is solved, thank you!

Happy Birthday

This one goes out to the one I love...
This one goes out to the one I left behind...
don't know the rest and not in the mood to google it!

Retarted Bots

Ever since I wrote that piece dissing the fundumentalist moslems the stupid ad on top of this page is for "Islamic Books & Music", i guess they're right when they says there's no bad publicity, stupid search-phrase-bots! And while I'm at it, stupid Flanders!

Screw this

And all other not-money-maken activities for the time being, time to focus on da $ for a while, peace...

TRAGDOR THE BURNINATOR

Man, this guy rulez!

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail58.html

You know you're not a spring chicken anymore

When going to a bookstore for reading is your idea of a good time, but then again, who wants to be a spring chicken of all things? Fortunately I live within walking distance of a large bookstore with nice comfy leather chairs and soul-crushing florescent lighting, but hey, no complaints about my free readings man, god bless them.

Fangoriously Gelatinous

See for yourselves...

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail84.html

Kill Bill

Saw the first Kill Bill, it was nicely done but too violent for my taste, kind of a reminder for why I don't watch movies much, I feel jipped if I don't like them, I don't like gambling either cuz I feel jipped when I lose, same with most video games, I feel jipped when I die, the jipping must stop.

Fun-da-Mental-ism

Fundamentalism is like this, it's fun for da mental people, but a pain in the ass for others. Today I was talking to a friend of mine about the islamic fundamentalists whom rule my country with an iron fist, it's needless to say that I don't like them, but what I truly hate is the wuss-ass moslem fundamentalists who live in the western society, if the islamic system's so good then why are you living in the west and not Algeria? This is what makes me laugh that the staunchiest of all communists and moslems always live in the west where it's so easy to enjoy all the fruits of a free market economy and booz and sex drugs rock n roll life, but at the same time constantly blaber about the greatness of Lenin and Quranic rule. That same staunch communist would not last 6 months living in China or Cuba and the same pussy moslem wont last 6 weeks in Iran or Saudi Arabia either when they have their basic right of voicing their opinions rubbed away from them.

It's been cool in US to become a moslem just as a way of rebillion against the wasp government, as in nation of islam fight the power yo, so there are a buncha moslem rappers who do islamic propaganda rap and with as much respect as I have for the skill level of some these people I can't help myself but to laugh at them when I hear pro-islamic bullshit from Wu Tang Clan members, KRS-1, Rakim, Freeway, etc. because all of them would not even get passed the censorship beurau at any given islamic country and most likely jailed for being "propagtors of vice" and corrupting young islamic virgin ears with their profane lyrics.

Here's a fun example, in the recent album by RZA of Wu Tang Clan (also the producer behind the soundtrack for Kill Bill), he has one song where he talk about "islamic bombs dropping" while just the song before he's saying "all I wanna do is drink smoke and fuck" which are 3 things that can potentially bring about the death penalty for RZA's hypocratic ass if he was living in, hmmm, Saudi Arabia, the homeland of Islam, or current Iran, my own clergy ruled land. Mind you, RZA's album is great thou, great production quality, one of my personal favorites as far as hiphop goes, but what can you tell the guy? nice job too bad you're mistaken?

Here's another example, I know this one person who's done every drug on the planet, has drank more booz than Sam Adams, screwed more skanky women than the GI's in philipines, done every unislamic sin in the book but he still praises the Iranian government just cuz he hates the western hegemony and the consumer lifestyle it promotes, what the heck? just cuz you hate one system that doesn't mean you should love the absolute oppisite considering you'd be the first one to have your ass hung for your way of lifestyle in the system you're praising. What a pile! Anyhoot, so that's the beef I got with da Mentals!

Anger Management

Sometimes when I hear/read/learn about some of the political issues in my country I truly want to choke some people with my bare hands, most likely to kill cuz at that time I don't have any respect or value for preserving a human life or forgiveness, which is exactly how the circle of intolerance and violence continues, so it's been such a challange to contain my feelings of revenge. Must start reading the Art of War, I need to learn better fighting techniques.

Special

Today is a special day, it has nothing to with Hitler and them two crazy Colombine kids, it's special in a special way, kinda like you are my dear reader, can you say special? yes? so happy special day to you!

Anywhere between 29 to 45 wives

If you consult with my penis regarding that issue, it'll say right on at first, but most likely would change his mind after the 19th one. If you consult with the heart, it'll shiver at the prospects of having to maintain that number of bonds, and if you ask the mind it'll flip out at the required expense, management skills and headaches of such idea, but someone was living da life like Hugh Hefner way before him, in fact even more hard core than hef when he married a 9 year old at the ripe age of 58, way before Viagra was invented, and interestingly enough, over 1 Billion people call that man a prophet and literally worship the grounds he walked on, mental retardation seems to be a widespread epidemic, what can I do?

Kiss my ass ASP

ASP makes me wanna direct my own rendition of Kill Bill. Let it be known that sites built on Microsoft's ASP are slower and break a lot easier than sites built by PHP particularly disscussion forum sites.

Knob tweaking

With the departure of my producer friend for a world trip I've been left with an aching hand clicking away endlessly at knobs and setting to draw the perfect bass line, find the perfect sound, just the right amount of reverb, the proper volume and all the other 172,000 settings available to me FL Studio. It's becoming a sort of addiction, a self imposed torture, hopefully it'll all is worth the effort...

Eye

Eye - don't watch movies
Eye - hate working for da man
Eye - don't have respect for the authority
Eye - don't have respect, period
Eye - don't practice what I preach
Eye - find life as we know it to be full of crap
Yet eye - am fairly content and happy
Eye - talk a lot of shit, yet hate it
Eye - needs to shut the pie hole

From the Desk of the Disgruntled Web Professional

I hate Java, I really do, well, I should clarify that the concept is great but the implentation of it sucks. Here's the deal, back in a day when they first made java there was this huge hoopla about the programming language of the future and how it's gonna get embeded into anything from ur toster to ur nike shoes and it's platform independent and this and that until we saw it in action, slow and clunky! Later it got even crappier when Sun and MS got into the "proper java VM" battle with Sun revoking MS's license for breach of contract so MS stopped shipping its java VM altogether with their XP, so then if you the consumer wanted to say play a game on yahoo you couldn't, unless you installed the Sun VM, which of course is a huge pile of crap and the main reason behind this post. If you happen to visit a god-forsaken page that has some retarded java applet on it (in my case tonight it was a freakin java clock on a page, like I don't have a clock anywhere in my home) and all of a sudden the computer crawls for 30 seconds while the java VM loads. What's even funnier to me is that some companies back then (like Corel for instance) were planing to port all of their products to java so it could be "platform independent" and i wonder if they're still pretty thrilled about it. In conclusion I'd like to wish for both MS and Sun to go to hell.

Da Cock Sauce

Despite risking being labeled a blatant homosexual, I have to admit that I love "Da Cock Sauce"! Back in 1992 (wow, i'm ancient) I had an asian girlfriend who loved "Da Cock Sauce" and she used to eat it with everything, I mean everything, in fact she used to carry a small bottle in her purse and frankly, one time I took her to have Persian food and she had it with zereshk-polo, it was just too much. Who knew 12 years later I find a place in my heart for "Da Cock Sauce", I don't carry it cuz I don't have a purse, but I admit that I dig it.

Medicine Ceremony

It was around 7pm by the time we got on the road and our destination was about 3 hours away. The two friends that I was going with had both participated in a medicine ceremony before but this was going to be my first. We drove most of the way without a hitch but about an hour before our destination we hit heavy snow fall on the freeway and had to greatly reduce our speed making us even more late than we already were but at the same time providing a good excuse for our tardiness. We also had a hard time finding our destination, some 10 miles into the reservation land, as snow had made it hard to recognize the visual landmarks my two friends were looking for.

We finally got there perhaps two hours late but this was going to be an all night ceremony and after asking the medicine man's son we were told it was OK for us to join the ceremony as long as we wait by the Teepee for the drumming round to finish and then ask for the permission to enter.

We waited outside for a few short minutes in a beautiful 3 inch blanket of snow by the warm glow of the Teepee, it was a nice scene, and soon they let us inside and the people inside made room for us by rearranging their seating. My two friends sat together on one side and I sat alone on another side. The Teepee was full, thirty something people sitting knee to knee in a circle with a nice hearty fire burning in the middle.

Soon as we sat on our pillows, they passed us a tobacco pouch; we were to roll tobacco in what were square cuts of corn husk. I was told to only puff it and not inhale, and do it while sending prayers. The ceremony was a healing ceremony for an old and well respected medicine man, perhaps in his sixties, whom was suffering from some ailment. I puffed the smoke I hade made and the tobacco had a really good taste to it, nothing awful like store-bought cigarettes but rather sweet and tasty like the tobacco served with hookahs.

After the tobacco they passed on a metal bowl of the mashed peyote, the sacred cactus, or medicine as they called it. I was told to eat as much as I saw fit, so I had five spoons. The taste was slightly bitter, but nothing bad, it has a strong smell to it and it numbed my mouth like how mint or ginger does. Later they brought a metal bucket of peyote tea and once again one was supposed to drink as much as one seemed fit, I had two small cups, the taste was even less bitter. And lastly they passed a metal bowl that contained the real thing, fresh peyote cactus buttons. The buttons were the size of a person's big toe, or more or less size of a walnut, and they were chewy like cucumber, I had a couple of them.

The drumming resumed after that, and through the whole night, there would be half hour rounds of drumming and chanting, and half hour segments of the elders and relatives talking and praying for the man with the ailment. There were strong currents of wind outside making it difficult for the smoke to escape the open hatch on the top of the Teepee hence baring the heat and the smoke was challenging at some points through the night. There were 3 people in charge of the fire whom would bring in logs to burn, every time they'd open the door to get more wood a cool breeze would come in and would refresh and rejuvenate.

Having never digested anything like it before, my stomach was wrestling in turmoil the whole night and that's when I felt glad that I had fasted the 12 hour period prior to the ceremony. Between the churning stomach, enduring heat and massive amount of smoke while sitting for 12 hours, if there was one thing that I learnt that night was respect and patience. Respect for the medicine and for the people under that roof whom accepted having me there amongst them with an open heart, and patience for the nagging voice in my head asking "I wonder when the ceremony ends" to subside.

In the morning, around 10am, we were treated with a small yet great tasting breakfast of corn gruel, fruits and semi-dry shredded meat, and then later at noon there was a huge feast for lunch. And purpose of writing this? As an Iranian I feel very lucky and privileged for having experienced this event, I got to experience something that not many people of my creed gets a chance to, and that it was all worth it.

FYI

Rage Against the Machine's Zack de la Rocha is still by far the coolest and the baddest lead singer alive, followed closely by Bono, David Gahan and Sting. Of the dead people, Hendrix is da man, may he rest in peace. It's been a good five years I've been listening to Rage's last album and the songs still makes me wanna rage against some kinda machine!

Radiohead

Let it be known that song #3 from their Kid A album (titled "National Anthem") has the baddest bassline known to me at the current moment, and yes, i know it's old news, but i just listened to it again. The point of this post? if you haven't heard the song get it now!

Corrections...

So I went to another sweat lodge ceremony, and this time paid closer attention, the nice smelling stuff they sprinkle on the hot rocks is cedar, and not tobacco, they still offer the tobacco to the fire, but inside the lodge it's the cedar that smells great. Man, the after sweat dinner is like the icing on the cake, sooooo good (althou I'm never a big fan of the frostings on top of a cake, so darn sweet, but hey, figure of speech).

Nice, Hot and Muddy

Tonight I had the fortune and previledge of experiencing my first sweat lodge ceremony. The ceremony is held at an older native american man's home every friday, we got there at around 5:30 pm and a nice big fire was already burning brightly with volcanic rocks burried underneath, after being introduced to everyone, shaking hands and small talks, the ceremony began by one of the elders burning some sweet smelling tobaco by the fire and sending prayers, we then stripped to our swim-trunks, each sent a prayer to the fire and went inside the iglo shaped lodge, kneeling, thru the small opening and sat down on the dirt ground one next to another tightly with knees bent upwards to the chest so that everyone, about 20 men, could all fit. The elders sent prayers, the man in charge of the fire brought 7 rocks in, 4 for each direction of the compass or the 4 stages of life, 1 for earth, one for the skies, and one for people, they put some of the sweet smelling tobaco over it and the lodge was filled with a nice tastey smoke, they brought in a metal bucket of water, or as they called it water of life, poured some over the rock and the drumming and chanting began, the elders chanted at first, but as it got hotter everyone participated, the chants were prayers in their languages and felt easy on the soul and the drumming was hypnotic. After the first round of songs they opened the small cloth door for fresh ait to come in, and elders spoke wise words about bringing about goodness through prayers, they brough more rocks in and so it went for four rounds, each round was hotter from the previous round with the accumulative heat of the combined rocks, the tip of my ears were burning but it felt good. The elders had a lot of wisdom in their talks during the airing breaks between rounds, this was a beautiful experience, I felt close to earth and all the different walks of people present there, from the elder natives, to the hispanics, to the white people and to myself, the iranian, amazing how simple it is for different people to come together and share one love, one spirit together with respect. After the ceremony we all went inside the house and had one of the tastiest home made meals, tortillas, stew, rice and beans and potatos, truly hit the spot, I think this is gonna become a new tradition for me, peace and respect goes to my native american friend who introduced me to this, I truly feel elated.

Danger Ball

Danger Ball is a ball exactly size of a volyball but with the grippy texture of a basketball, like a mini-basketball, it's black in color, and the catch is that it weighs 10 pounds. Danger ball wasn't meant to be dangerous at all, in fact it is sold as "medicine ball" for people with joint problems to lift it as a way to get the exercises recommended by their physical therapists but when it's thrown at people intentionally it earns its nickname, danger ball.

Last year I had the fortune of spending a great deal of time at a friend's house who owned a danger ball. Playing danger ball was a party favorite, people loved getting knocked outa their spot by a speeding 10 pound ball hurled at'em, drunk or sober, men and women, short and tall alike. It was always a great mystery what would happen (or what would break) when someone missed catching the dangerball, once a stray ball hit the computer on the floppy button and ejected the floppy 8 feet out, another time it landed on a synthesizer and scared the bejesus out of the people involved. Danger ball is not a sport for weak hearts, do not try it at home boys and girls.